I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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