I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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