I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
