Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I understand Curling. That high.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
