Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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