You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize