My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
