I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
