Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
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