He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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