i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
