Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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