So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
