Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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