I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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