shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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