whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
