this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
