This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
