you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize