I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
