Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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