something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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