Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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