it wasn't lemon gatorade
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
