why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
