I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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