I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
