Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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