If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
