I heard we made out
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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