please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
