listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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