is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
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Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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