i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize