I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
