why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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