In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
