So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
