Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
