sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
