I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I got inside last night via doggy door
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
