dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
love makes seman taste better
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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