i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm at about main and main street
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
