i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
