well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
