If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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