All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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