if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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