You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
