I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
