I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
