i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
