I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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