Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
you had me at cake vodka
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
