im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
