about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
