All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
