My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize