I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
