Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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