im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
