Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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