You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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