I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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