I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
