At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
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