There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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