fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
