Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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