i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
