Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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