can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
