If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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