I accidentally had phone sex last night
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
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