my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize