Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
