Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
