dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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