hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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