I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I will be naked everywhere
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
We are all done wearing pants today
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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