You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
