I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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