I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
