So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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