Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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