youre lurking in front of me
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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