franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
