i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
