We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
