I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
