did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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