Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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