Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
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