My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
