If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize