I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
