went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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