mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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