I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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