Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
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