The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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