You're earring is so big in my mouth
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize