Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
