nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
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