Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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