First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
