the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
