please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
