what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
