i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
