I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
