The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
